just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
