I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
