I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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