i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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