I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
