so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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