1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
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