so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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