Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
