if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
