What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
