He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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