I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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