Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
we're making bets on your personal life
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Still dying that you shit outside
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
