I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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