Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
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I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
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I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
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