I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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