I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
