please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
