She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I wear drunk well.
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