also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
