It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
