I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
