like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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