a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
