I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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