He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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