What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
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We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
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Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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