I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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