i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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