when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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