Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
