I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Boobs speak an international language.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
