A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
