he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
