i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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