My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
