And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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