as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
