Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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