Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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