Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
