I just threw up on my dentist
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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