What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
