also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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