4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
