Can i not drive my cunt home
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
