Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
