Welp...herpes.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Randomize
