my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
