Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
