Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
