Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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