You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
