if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
