I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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