Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
