k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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