therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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