speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
