I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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