So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
