Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
