It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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