i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
What a dumb baby whore.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
