Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The air was thick with penises
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
