Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
