I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
