god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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