Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
