somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
whose parrot is this?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
