so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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